Should distance stand in the way of dating?

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This week’s question comes from Robert and he asks:

If you want to find someone, why not look outside of your immediate catchment area? However, why is it that everyone demands that you date locally?

As always, great question!

I totally understand your frustration. Opportunity doesn’t come knocking as ‘they say’ and it certainly doesn’t know where you live, that’s why to be successful at meeting someone most suitable for you, you need to be as openminded as possible.

Society in general is running at a faster page than usual with higher social and financial demands on the increase, therefore most – not all – like to reduce the amount of stress and demand placed on them.

Allow me to share my story…

About 10 years ago now I was dating long distance between London and Canada. Every few months one of us flew to see the other. I think it cost us each around £1500 or so a trip and this is back when flights were cheaper. There was a constant pressure to have a good time and to be on our best behaviour, because we wanted to make the most of each other when we got the chance to do so. The pressure of maintaining a happy status when we were together took its toll and so did the financial demand it caused. I did end up moving to Canada to give our future together the best shot at working out, but not everyone has that luxury or the flexibility to do so.

So why am I telling you this?

Well, when you are short on time and finances, travelling more than an hour or so to see someone can sometimes be strain, so the thought of dating in another city or country, normally puts off even the most positive of enthusiasts. Then you start to factor in the costs of petrol, trains and planes and it can really become a daunting thought all together. Not impossible, but on the most part, daunting.

Every person and situation is different, so my advice would be this…

If you are open to dating further afield, you will most certainly be opening up the possibilities to finding love at an accelerated pace. However, if the other person is very much settled where they are, then be prepared to make the extra effort and to be the one to move should things progress. If you are not able to move, then you owe it to yourself and the other person to be honest at the outset and if the situation is not feasible, to try and date more locally within a more manageable radius for you.

It’s always preferable to be able to pick up the phone to someone we love and care about and say are you free tonight, see you in an hour? Rather than, I love you and miss you and I can’t wait to see you in 3 months.

You have to do what’s right for you, your circumstances and for the success of the relationship. It will always come down to being open, honest, flexible and accommodating.

Robert, I hope this goes some way to answering your question.

Finding love is so much easier than you think. You just need your own set of ingredients and a manageable recipe to follow and that is my gift to you.

If you have a question for me, you can ask me here.

How to handle blind introductions

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So, this week’s question comes from Grant, he asked me…

How do I kick start a conversation off when I have been introduced to someone as a blind date and all I have is a number?

Ok, so firstly it’s great that introductions are being passed around! Don’t be scared, feel flattered.

I would act as quickly as possible, because I am sure that the lady in question will know that you have got her number. If you wait too long she will think you’re too busy or possibly playing games.

With that said, I would text her and start by saying that you have heard great things about her (list a few) from (name of friend) and say that you would like arrange to speak with her when she’s free to see about setting up this date. Now ask when she is free and get that ball rolling….

When you do speak to her, don’t spend too long on the get to know you call, remember to save some of it for the date itself. Ask her about her, her day, her week, her weekend. If you don’t know much about her at this point, but wish to make sure that she is aligned with your dating journey, then ask a few important questions dropped in to the conversation in a light chatter manner.

My biggest piece of advice is always keep the conversations light and fun.

I hope this helps and do keep us updated as to how it goes.

If you have a question, please feel free to drop me an email by hitting the reply button and it will be my pleasure to answer it for you next week.

To ask me a question, simply drop me a message here.

The easy way to be irresistible

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I just received a question from Sophie, who says….

“Suzie, I’m meeting lots of guys through various apps, websites and generally just out and about doing my own thing. The the problem is, either they don’t hold my attention or sometimes I just can’t seem to hold theirs. Is there something I am doing wrong?”

Great question Sophie!!

So how can you turn all this around? Easy!!

Gaining or maintaining someone’s attention doesn’t just have to be a physical thing and often after only a few minutes of meeting, it’s what lays beneath the surface that matters the most.

Try and make your conversations as upbeat and fun as possible. Remember before now, you and he have both been on several dates and you want to stand out and make an impact, rather than blend in.

So, when you’re having those ‘get to know you’ conversations, try and stay away from questions that turn the brain in to auto responder mode like “what do you” do and “how many siblings do you have”, as these questions will have been asked many times before. Why not ask him about the things that make him tick, like “what was the last great book that you read” or “where was one of best places you visited on a holiday”? Keep the questioning to things that evoke happy thoughts and memories because I can tell you, that by the end of the date he will come away feeling happy, possibly happier than he was before and he will then attribute his happiness with having been interactive with you!

I hope this has provided you with some inspiration today and I look forward to answering more of your questions.

To ask me a question, simply drop me a message here.