This week’s question comes from Robert and he asks:
If you want to find someone, why not look outside of your immediate catchment area? However, why is it that everyone demands that you date locally?
As always, great question!
I totally understand your frustration. Opportunity doesn’t come knocking as ‘they say’ and it certainly doesn’t know where you live, that’s why to be successful at meeting someone most suitable for you, you need to be as openminded as possible.
Society in general is running at a faster page than usual with higher social and financial demands on the increase, therefore most – not all – like to reduce the amount of stress and demand placed on them.
Allow me to share my story…
About 10 years ago now I was dating long distance between London and Canada. Every few months one of us flew to see the other. I think it cost us each around £1500 or so a trip and this is back when flights were cheaper. There was a constant pressure to have a good time and to be on our best behaviour, because we wanted to make the most of each other when we got the chance to do so. The pressure of maintaining a happy status when we were together took its toll and so did the financial demand it caused. I did end up moving to Canada to give our future together the best shot at working out, but not everyone has that luxury or the flexibility to do so.
So why am I telling you this?
Well, when you are short on time and finances, travelling more than an hour or so to see someone can sometimes be strain, so the thought of dating in another city or country, normally puts off even the most positive of enthusiasts. Then you start to factor in the costs of petrol, trains and planes and it can really become a daunting thought all together. Not impossible, but on the most part, daunting.
Every person and situation is different, so my advice would be this…
If you are open to dating further afield, you will most certainly be opening up the possibilities to finding love at an accelerated pace. However, if the other person is very much settled where they are, then be prepared to make the extra effort and to be the one to move should things progress. If you are not able to move, then you owe it to yourself and the other person to be honest at the outset and if the situation is not feasible, to try and date more locally within a more manageable radius for you.
It’s always preferable to be able to pick up the phone to someone we love and care about and say are you free tonight, see you in an hour? Rather than, I love you and miss you and I can’t wait to see you in 3 months.
You have to do what’s right for you, your circumstances and for the success of the relationship. It will always come down to being open, honest, flexible and accommodating.
Robert, I hope this goes some way to answering your question.
Finding love is so much easier than you think. You just need your own set of ingredients and a manageable recipe to follow and that is my gift to you.
If you have a question for me, you can ask me here.